There is hope for the hopeless. No, I'm not just talking about the homeless or someone that does not know Jesus. Actually, I am talking about myself.
Last night, I cried out to the Lord for vision and hope - not because I never had them. I cried out to God because I'd grown weary of carrying the dreams and visions He'd given me against the current of my circumstances. I have yet to see all the Lord has said come to pass.
But, God has been so gracious and kind to keep reminding me to hold fast to what He has given me. I walked into our We Will Go team prayer desperately longing to hear from my heavenly Father.
I had just gone through a legalistic list of why I wasn't seeing what He has shown me come to pass. I thought, "Am I not praying enough, am I not fasting enough? I did eat after sundown yesterday." To be honest, I'm probably not doing enough. I could never do enough.
But, the Lord said to me, "Maegan, you've done everything I've asked you. I asked you to trust me and you are." How is it possible that the God of the whole universe is pleased with me? I realize, even now, He sees me covered in the blood of Jesus. He is faithful and I follow - sometimes maimed, limping along, and several steps behind where I feel I need to be. He gives me the strength through his Holy Spirit to follow.
By the time I arrived at team prayer, I didn't want more prayer. I didn't want another meeting or more worship music. I wanted and needed Jesus, face to face. The Holy Spirit directed me to sit by one of our youngest missionaries, Merry. She asked to borrow my phone to use my bible app. She immediately went to Galatians 6:7: Do not be misled- you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.
I asked her, "Did you write that verse, and place it on my family's home on Houston Ave?"
Merry replied, "Yes, but I didn't finish it." The part she didn't write on the card then, was meant to encourage me at that moment." YOU WILL ALWAYS HARVEST WHAT YOU PLANT. God used Merry in an amazing way. This was exactly what I needed. This was Jesus speaking, face to face.
Merry continued, "That is my favorite scripture verse. Actually, God attracted me to that verse when you were teaching." And here I was, harvesting those verses that had been planted, when I needed to hear from Him so desperately. I had gathered those scriptures and words of prayer from the ground after it had rained. I told Merry I had framed it.
She smiled and the Lord reminded me yet again of Matthew 18:2-5: Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. Then he said, "I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me."
Why should I grow weary with such an amazing, relentlessly loving partner and friend as Jesus? Holy Spirit help me!
Lord Jesus, forgive me for being deceived. Help me to believe and have faith like a child. Restore my innocence and help me believe. Help me to grow more expectant every day and not more jaded with the passing time. I will reap from years of prayer, and worship, and reading your word. I will reap from the overflow of your presence. I believe everything you've said, Lord Jesus, will come to pass. Thank you for always providing what I need, when I need it. Thank you for such beautiful encouragement from Merry. Help me to partner with your work in Jackson and in your kingdom. I love you Jesus. Amen.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
a constant longing
the reach for more
then a nagging at the very core
a silent ache
a caged anxiety
a lack of satisfaction
with things, people, myself
a need for peace
the change I crave so desperately
I crave Jesus
the eyes, hands, and feet
the arms, the tenacity